Why We Haze

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Why We Haze

Posted on 02 February 2011

Society consists of an overwhelming amount of anti-hazing douche-bags. Wherever the pre-conceived notions came from, it’s pretty fucking obvious that the haters of hazing can be sourced back to GDI college life. Only those who have experienced all that pledgeship and brotherhood entails can truly comprehend the value and importance of hazing. We’re not talking about the pussy fraternities who choose to form unity through trust falls and guided reading programs. We’re talking about classic, Animal House fraternities. In our modern day-in-age, society throws roadblocks at our age-old system of unity. They just don’t understand why we haze…

So… why the fuck do we haze? It’s complicated, and can’t be answered with a cookie-cutter response. It’s a combination of a ton of reasons, explanations and theories. It’s like asking why Justin Bieber deserves to be punched in the face…there’s so many reasons. And can you really limit your answer to one sentence? Absolutely not. Here’s the breakdown as to why the brotherhood hazes during pledgeship.

Tradition

This might be the greatest reason for pledgeship. How many events, actions and ideas do we endure due to mere tradition? Countless… we just don’t realize it. Everything we do was once set by those before us. For the sake of tradition, hazing must continue. It has always been an art of the Greek community, and should never be relinquished. Letting go of tradition is a slippery slope that fraternities fight on a day-to-day basis. The louder someone bitches, the harder it is for tradition to be upheld.

Reality Check

When the day comes that a brother must enter the real world (fuck no…), life isn’t what it used to be. Entering your first job, you’re going to be the shit on the bottom of somebody’s shoe. Hazing parallels this time period. Pledgeship serves as a proper reality check for those who believe life will be a mere cake-walk. One must not forget their place; hazing serves as the ideal tool. Welcome to the real world, pledge.

Personality Transformation

Hazing is the greatest problem-solver there is. Too many young college students waltz into their university years with cockiness and an overwhelming attitude. It takes a few weeks of tough love to straighten them out. Hazing can turn a young man’s personality and disposition into a respectable nature. Agreed?

Unity

Growing up, your family serves the bond in your young life. That’s about to change. Pledgeship forces unity, and there’s no greater form of unity than perseverance through hardship. Without hazing, you and your pledge class wouldn’t bond, mold, or garner the relationships that are worthy of a fraternity. It’s all about unity.

Brotherhood Commonality

One of the over-riding reasons why fraternities are so close-knit involves the relationships that the brothers maintain with eachother. As gay as that sounds, it’s true. Pledgeship provides a commonality between all brothers. They’ve all gone through the same shit, so each and every brother should be respected and treated equally. No brother is better than another, and each can relate to their own experiences enduring the same forms of hazing. Pledgeship is the most common topic of discussion, and it provides some of the greatest memories of your lifetime.

Pointless Laughs

Alright, I’ll be honest, there’s probably a solid percentage of pledgeship that’s solely put forth for comedic purposes. Making a pledge chug a gallon of milk makes your quality beer gut jiggle in laughter, and lightens up the dinner-time mood. Hazing doesn’t have to be painful, or even miserable. Pointless laughs can be achieved through merely making a pledge sing a song. But hey, just about anything these days is considered hazing…

Necessity

This is important. Believe it or not, there are a few aspects of pledgeship that are vital to the well-being of brothers. As the designated drivers (also called pledge rides), pledges save the lives of those brothers who would without a doubt hop in the car and drive drunk if it weren’t for pledges. Even parents can agree with that one. Hazing can positively influence the lives of those around us. Designated driving is the perfect example.

Historical Education

If hazing didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be any reason for pledges to learn the history of the Brotherhood, nor any of the brothers’ names. Pledgeship, accompanied by the art of hazing, pushes pledges into scholarly beings. That sounds sophisticated, now doesn’t it? Not only will they be able to recite a quality fraternity anthem (just as important as the National Anthem, if not more), they’ll learn how to tap a keg, bar-tend, taxi, and so much more. College education at its best.

Boot Camp

We don’t want our pledges looking like the actors from Heavyweights, now do we? A few calisthenics never hurt anybody. Besides, who wouldn’t want to have a six-pack, and lose a few pounds? Pledgeship toughens you up, and improves your looks, seriously. It’s a mini-ROTC. A little sweat can go a long way. Sack up… it’s really not that bad.

So the next time someone asks you why we haze, you’ll have more than enough bullshit to pass around. Don’t let the common GDI or over-bearing parent rain on our parade. Hazing is a historic past-time, even greater than that of baseball. Protect it, preserve it, and preach it. God Bless all that is Greek life. Let’s never let a rushee enter the Brotherhood without paying his dues. It’s tradition, comedy, education, reality, unity, and most of all, fucking awesome.

It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.

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